So you’ve found a counsellor and they’re going to tell you how to get better? Wrong! I’m afraid it’s not something that someone does TO you. It’s a journey that requires active participation. And whilst some counselling can be short term, we often have years of unhelpful thinking to reshape or experiences to process and it may therefore take time to get the full benefit out of counselling. 

What do I mean by active participation? It’s the reflections you do in sessions and in between sessions that really make a difference to how effective counselling is. So here are just a few tips to help you:

Goal setting 
Think carefully about what you want to get out of counselling so you can share with your counsellor. Be as specific as you can, and be optimistically realistic - consider what you want to be different! I might want to be fitter but running a marathon might not be realistic because of my dodgy knee, so my optimistic realistic goal might be to have sufficient strength and stamina to go on a walk in Delamere Forest for an afternoon.  Having goals can aid our reflections, but hold them loosely as what comes up in counselling can be surprising!

Leave a diary gap after counselling sessions 
There’s a huge amount that can go through our minds in a counselling session and it’s helpful to give ourselves a bit of time and headspace to this. Maybe take a walk, or go for a coffee, rather than going straight into a complex business meeting. Just taking a moment to breathe and reflect on your experience of the counselling session can be helpful.

Identify your key takeaways from counselling sessions 
Sometimes it can be hard to identify one thing from a counselling session but it will help you to remember if you have a key point (or two) to keep reminding yourself about in between sessions. Maybe it will be the memory of how calm you felt when doing a mindfulness exercise, so you want to try that again during the week. Or maybe it was a different way of looking at your experiences. Just having a headline can help your reflections during the week.

Journalling
This might be as simple as writing key takeaways down, or maybe you’re prompted to write a poem in response to your journey. I tend to dump every random thought onto paper for 10 minutes or so, so it gets out of my head. Or maybe, like Karl Jung, you will find drawing or making patterns is your way of letting what you’re learning about yourself sink in. Journalling can look very different for everyone - be as logical or creative as you need to be! But it's making time to reflect that is more important than how you do it.

Watch out for little changes 
Be curious about what you are doing and why in the week and be prepared to wonder why your response, your actions, your emotions are changing - or not. Change is often gradual as we grow in our counselling journey, so it’s great to be able to celebrate the little changes, or identify what is blocking change so we can bring it back to our next counselling session. Just reflecting on what is different can help our awareness grow


Just remember, be kind to yourself and keep practising things you learn in counselling. It isn’t about the big changes you make, but it is often about subtle shifts in the way you think and what you do that give you a clue about your inner growth. 


​

There's a common misconception that ADHD is something that only children have and that they can outgrow the symptoms. But the research shows that for many with a childhood diagnosis, symptoms can continue into adulthood. Or even appear in early or later adulthood.  Some research even shows that symptoms ebb and flow over time, with peaks of intense and valleys of remission. And the patterns of those peaks and troughs are different for everyone.

So what does all this tell us? There are many different factors affecting how and when ADHD shows up in someone's life and that is as unique as an individual is because of our:

• Genetics
• Environment - the people around us, the stressors in our lives, the way our hormones are working in our bodies
• Skills and strategies - how effectively someone can learn how to fit in with the world around them

The differences in physiological, social and other environmental factors means that knowing one person with ADHD means you know - well, one person with ADHD! Because they are all very, very different. And ADHD isn't all negative. Maybe part of the problem is that we expect people to conform to society as we know it, without celebrating the huge value that differences bring to our communities. ADHD-ers are incredible people - a cognitively diverse and valuable part of our world.   Maybe they are the entrepreneur down the road. The creative thinker. The problem solver. The empathetic shoulder to cry on. All our brains work differently. Putting a label on those differences isn't helpful for everyone. 

​Is there a cure? Can we grow out of it?  Who knows! But we can learn skills and strategies to better equip us to cope with life, to navigate our day-to-day. We can adapt to the world around us - flawed as it is - and manage the feelings of overwhelm and anxiety that often accompany ADHD. If you are struggling and want to find out a little more about how counselling may help you, just get in touch using our enquiry form, or book an initial 30-minute chat. And if you're the sort of person who likes a book to read about it, try Gabor Mate's 'Scattered Minds' or Alex Partridge's 'Now It All Makes Sense'.

Evenings in my home are usually a quiet, sedate affair, with skills learnt from my mum and grandmothers meaning I can sit and unwind, whilst still being busy.  Knitting and crochet (and sewing) have - at times - been very out of fashion but I picked them up again during a stressful period in my life when I needed some sanity preservation.  Through the wonders of modern technology, I discovered that my quirky, old-fashioned hobbies were becoming increasingly popular. I believe COVID lockdowns had something to do with it. So what does the research say about crafting and its impact on mental health and wellbeing? Is there anything in my extravagant claim that it provided sanity preservation?

I’ll include references below if you want to go and find out more directly from the sources, but to put it simply, crafting:

• Keeps our brains active - there’s always something new that can be learnt - new skills, hobbies, techniques keeps things fresh and exciting and is more stimulating than passively absorbing media or doom scrolling  -  this means our brains are flexible when we meet new challenges in life
• Provides mental challenges and problem solving opportunities - frustration when we are in the middle of a muddle can turn to a sense of achievement when we get past it - see also the point about keeping our brains active 
• Keeps us socially connected - whether that is being part of a community online or in real life, we have a shared interest that provides a sense of belonging. This is a great foundation for friendships that provide mutual support. We learn from each other, share ideas, inspire and encourage each other- see also the point about keeping things fresh and exciting
• Is a creative outlet that helps us to express (and explore) our individuality and unique personalities - suddenly that person who only ever wears blue is knitting the most colourful socks imaginable……
• Is part of structure and routines that provide balance in our lives - and this can be stabilising when we go through periods of stress, grief, transition, depression. Predictability during times of chaos can be anchoring 
• Can often be that time to slow down and unwind that is needed during busy periods, providing a mindful and relaxing experience. It may not solve chronic illness and pain, but mindful concentration on something can often be a distraction. Being in that state of flow can stop us from overthinking the difficult stuff
• Is often a tactile, sensory experience that is associated with calm
• Often has repetitive, rhythmic actions that may be impacting our nervous system - lowering our heart rate and decreasing levels of the stress hormone, cortisol

Links have been made to emotional regulation, for example, in those who have experienced trauma.  There’s a lot more research needed to really understand what goes on in our bodies and minds when we knit or crochet. But it seems there is a real connection between crafting and maintaining good mental health and wellbeing.

I’m off to practice a bit of self care - where did I leave my knitting?





References 


Dietrich, A. (2004). “Neurocognitive mechanisms underlying the experience of flow.” Consciousness and Cognition, 13(4), 746–761.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton.

​Reynolds, F. (2019). “Textile arts and well-being: A systematic review.” Arts & Health, 11(3), 181–201.
Verghese, J. et al. (2003). “Leisure activities and the risk of dementia in the elderly.” New England Journal of Medicine, 348(25), 2508–2516.

Le Lagadec, Marie; Kornhaber, Rachel; Johnston-Devin, Colleen; Cleary, Michelle (2024). Healing stitches: A scoping review on the impact of needlecraft on mental health and well-being. CQUniversity. Journal contribution. https://hdl.handle.net/10779/cqu.27676194.v1 

Burns P, Van Der Meer R. (2021). Happy Hookers: findings from an international study exploring the effects of crochet on wellbeing. Perspect Public Health. 141(3):149-157. doi: 10.1177/1757913920911961. 

Brooks L, Ta K-HN, Townsend AF, Backman CL. (2019). “I just love it”: Avid knitters describe health and well-being through occupation. Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy. 86(2):114-124. doi:10.1177/0008417419831401

Nordstrand, J., Birgitta Gunnarsson, A., & Häggblom-Kronlöf, G. (2024). Promoting health through yarncraft: Experiences of an online knitting group living with mental illness. Journal of Occupational Science, 31(3), 504–515. https://doi.org/10.1080/14427591.2023.2292281

We were all set for an amazing night out! We travelled to Manchester, took our time, sorted out parking, ate with my daughter, took a taxi to the Co-op Live arena, went through all the zig-zagging queues to get to security, got through security, scanned our tickets, paid a small fortune for cans of fizzy water and took our seats.  The farewell tour for an artist who wrote the soundtrack of so much of my youth. I remember sitting with my sister playing records over and over until we figured out what the words were to songs - but the words for Out of the Blue were all on the album itself, which meant no mis-heard lyrics for once! My sense of nostalgia was well and truly ignited....

But I guess when you book tickets to see a septuagenarian performer you have to expect that there are risks that they will be unwell or not live up to the memories.  If you didn't hear of Jeff Lynne's illness leading to the cancellation of his last two concerts, you probably didn't watch any news at all in early July 2025.  Just as our excitement was building, the announcement came that he was too unwell to perform and minutes later the whole atmosphere changed.  

Perhaps it's a sign of my own aging, but when I read on social media of people being 'devastated' at missing out on the experience, I was a little bemused.  I was disappointed, yes. Devastated indicates something  life-changing to me but I'm sure that it was far more difficult for poor Jeff,  who must have been feeling pretty rough at the time.  Yes, it would have been lovely to have seen him. But we can still listen to the music - ok, not the same as listening to it live, but the music isn't gone.  And the poor man can take his time to recover.  Let's face it, that can take longer for all of us as we get older.

So why am I mentioning this in a blog post on my counselling website? Because life is full of disappointments. Some might be devastating and life-changing. Maybe bereavement or illness. Others might be a mere inconvenience, like missing the bus and having to wait for the next one. Others might be a bit more costly, like the cost of travel and accommodation when we go to see a concert.  

Our ability to be resilient in the face of life's disappointments depends on so many things, including emotional costs, financial costs and the impact on our relationships and/or day-to-day living. But it's also dependent on who we are with, our attitude and our ability to re-frame the disappointment. We had a great evening because we had great company, it was a beautiful sunny summer's evening to walk back to our car and we 'danced' along to ELO's music in the car on our way home. There was a sense of camaraderie with others who had travelled even further than us. 

Not all disappointments are so easy to bounce back from. Or maybe there have been many disappointments that have piled up on top of each other. That's where counselling can be helpful.  Finding someone you can trust to work through the impact of those disappointments - whether they are recent or long ago - can be an important step in moving forward.  If you are looking for someone to help, get in touch here, or check out the BACP or ACC directories. 

It's the first anniversary of seeing a client in my own counselling room - affectionately termed the Therapy Shed by those who come here to learn a little more about themselves.  Finding a name for my room was actually hampered by incredibly creative suggestions about the name.  Including words that rhyme with SHED was a popular approach. Head. Bed. Bread. Red. Well, there are no beds, no psychiatrist couches and the only red is the colour of my pens and some of the flowers in the garden outside!  

But it is a place to figure out what is  going on in our heads. Those of you who have been to the Therapy Shed will appreciate the peace in the room. There may be birdsong, or rain on the roof, but I feel my shoulders go down as I sit there and breathe. It’s really amazing to see clients do the same when they arrive. Or by the time they leave. Going to see a counsellor can be hard at times, as we address those uncomfortable parts of our lives. So it’s lovely to have a safe, tranquil space for those who are doing this hard work.

​Research shows that the thing that has the biggest impact in counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and the client. And researchers from Monash University showed that the environment enhances therapeutic outcomes by improving those relationships, as well as reducing symptoms!

Life isn't always sunshine and roses.  Let's face it, even roses need a little rain to grow.  Life can't always be the perfect social media snapshot. Sometimes the fullness was experiencing the joy alongside heartbreak.  Grabbing moments of peace amidst chaos.  Feeling overwhelmed at one point, and competent at another.  A full life includes downs as well as ups, tears as well as laughter. Sometimes our ability to cope seems stretched to breaking point. Those are obvious points at which it might be a good time to think about finding a good counsellor, one that will be able to help you work through everything until you're feeling a bit more balanced again. Counselling isn't just for those crisis times, though. Sometimes we want to understand ourselves better. Maybe there are things that we are doing or thinking that are unhelpful.  Or our confidence has dipped. Or the past haunts us. Or we just need to figure out how to navigate life so we get the most out of it.

Finding the right counsellor for you is key to your experience of counselling being successful.  I've had counselling myself, even before I trained as a counsellor, so I've experienced it from your perspective, too. What are the things I have learnt about finding the right counsellor?

• Find someone you can learn to trust and feel safe with. This doesn't just happen immediately - like any relationship, it takes time to build those levels of trust to the point that you can be completely honest. Feeling heard is such a crucial part of counselling, so you need someone who really hears what you are saying.
• Say if it doesn't feel right. Good counsellors often offer a no-commitment initial call or session for new clients. Think of this as being a good way for you to check each other out and find out if you are a good fit to work well together - after all, the work of counselling is a collaboration between you and your counsellor. Do they seem trust-worthy? Or is there something that just doesn't feel right?  Once you've started counselling, please remember that sometimes you may feel worse as you start to address uncomfortable issues - that's often a normal part of the process - so if something isn't feeling quite right, talk to your counsellor about it. 
• If you have particular needs, find someone with particular skills. This may not be a great analogy, but don't get skilled chef to do the work of a skilled brain surgeon. They may both use knives, but in different ways. So if you have trauma that you want to work through, for example, find a counsellor who is experienced at working with trauma.
• Find someone who works in a way that you will find helpful.  If you need someone who can be flexible to fit with your shift patterns, find that out at the start. If you need to fit counselling around a work schedule that involves travel, consider whether online counselling would suit you better than face-to-face counselling. If you are one of life's creative people, find someone who enjoys working creatively!
• Check your counsellor is professional. Are they a member of a professional body that holds them to account for their qualifications, insurance, ongoing professional development?  Being a good listener doesn't require training, but being a good counsellor is not just about listening - they have many more skills that will be used without you even being aware of them! And if - heaven forbid - something isn't quite right, their professional body gives you a way of escalating your concerns. 

Once you have found the right counsellor, just one bonus tip for you:

• Being honest with your counsellor is really about being honest with yourself.  I'd rather hide away the bits of myself that I don't like, if I'm being honest. But if I don't reveal those bits that I don't like, I'm never going to be able to change them, or accept them, or do whatever it is I need to do with them.

​Stick with me as we explore the world of counselling together - this may be the first blog post, but I'll be here each month to share some of my personal thoughts. Look forward to seeing you again! Please subscribe and share if you like what you are reading.....