It's the first anniversary of seeing a client in my own counselling room - affectionately termed the Therapy Shed by those who come here to learn a little more about themselves.  Finding a name for my room was actually hampered by incredibly creative suggestions about the name.  Including words that rhyme with SHED was a popular approach. Head. Bed. Bread. Red. Well, there are no beds, no psychiatrist couches and the only red is the colour of my pens and some of the flowers in the garden outside!  

But it is a place to figure out what is  going on in our heads. Those of you who have been to the Therapy Shed will appreciate the peace in the room. There may be birdsong, or rain on the roof, but I feel my shoulders go down as I sit there and breathe. It’s really amazing to see clients do the same when they arrive. Or by the time they leave. Going to see a counsellor can be hard at times, as we address those uncomfortable parts of our lives. So it’s lovely to have a safe, tranquil space for those who are doing this hard work.

​Research shows that the thing that has the biggest impact in counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and the client. And researchers from Monash University showed that the environment enhances therapeutic outcomes by improving those relationships, as well as reducing symptoms!

Life isn't always sunshine and roses.  Let's face it, even roses need a little rain to grow.  Life can't always be the perfect social media snapshot. Sometimes the fullness was experiencing the joy alongside heartbreak.  Grabbing moments of peace amidst chaos.  Feeling overwhelmed at one point, and competent at another.  A full life includes downs as well as ups, tears as well as laughter. Sometimes our ability to cope seems stretched to breaking point. Those are obvious points at which it might be a good time to think about finding a good counsellor, one that will be able to help you work through everything until you're feeling a bit more balanced again. Counselling isn't just for those crisis times, though. Sometimes we want to understand ourselves better. Maybe there are things that we are doing or thinking that are unhelpful.  Or our confidence has dipped. Or the past haunts us. Or we just need to figure out how to navigate life so we get the most out of it.

Finding the right counsellor for you is key to your experience of counselling being successful.  I've had counselling myself, even before I trained as a counsellor, so I've experienced it from your perspective, too. What are the things I have learnt about finding the right counsellor?

• Find someone you can learn to trust and feel safe with. This doesn't just happen immediately - like any relationship, it takes time to build those levels of trust to the point that you can be completely honest. Feeling heard is such a crucial part of counselling, so you need someone who really hears what you are saying.
• Say if it doesn't feel right. Good counsellors often offer a no-commitment initial call or session for new clients. Think of this as being a good way for you to check each other out and find out if you are a good fit to work well together - after all, the work of counselling is a collaboration between you and your counsellor. Do they seem trust-worthy? Or is there something that just doesn't feel right?  Once you've started counselling, please remember that sometimes you may feel worse as you start to address uncomfortable issues - that's often a normal part of the process - so if something isn't feeling quite right, talk to your counsellor about it. 
• If you have particular needs, find someone with particular skills. This may not be a great analogy, but don't get skilled chef to do the work of a skilled brain surgeon. They may both use knives, but in different ways. So if you have trauma that you want to work through, for example, find a counsellor who is experienced at working with trauma.
• Find someone who works in a way that you will find helpful.  If you need someone who can be flexible to fit with your shift patterns, find that out at the start. If you need to fit counselling around a work schedule that involves travel, consider whether online counselling would suit you better than face-to-face counselling. If you are one of life's creative people, find someone who enjoys working creatively!
• Check your counsellor is professional. Are they a member of a professional body that holds them to account for their qualifications, insurance, ongoing professional development?  Being a good listener doesn't require training, but being a good counsellor is not just about listening - they have many more skills that will be used without you even being aware of them! And if - heaven forbid - something isn't quite right, their professional body gives you a way of escalating your concerns. 

Once you have found the right counsellor, just one bonus tip for you:

• Being honest with your counsellor is really about being honest with yourself.  I'd rather hide away the bits of myself that I don't like, if I'm being honest. But if I don't reveal those bits that I don't like, I'm never going to be able to change them, or accept them, or do whatever it is I need to do with them.

​Stick with me as we explore the world of counselling together - this may be the first blog post, but I'll be here each month to share some of my personal thoughts. Look forward to seeing you again! Please subscribe and share if you like what you are reading.....