Loss (1)

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​Loss touches every one of us at some point in our lives. It’s woven into the human experience — sometimes expected, sometimes sudden, sometimes life‑altering in ways we never imagined. Loss might come through the death of someone we love, the end of a relationship, redundancy, or even a transition that is ultimately positive but still asks us to let go of what was familiar.
I’ve been thinking about this recently as my dog grows older. I know she won’t be with me for another fourteen years, and there’s a quiet, anticipatory grief in recognising that. It’s a reminder that some losses arrive slowly, giving us time to prepare, while others take us by surprise. And each one lands differently depending on who we are, what we’ve lived through, and what that loss represents.
Many of us have struggled to know what to say when someone is grieving. I certainly have. I’ve offered well‑meaning platitudes or found myself lost for words, aware that nothing I say can fully meet the depth of someone’s pain. Over time, I’ve learned that grief doesn’t need fixing. What helps most is presence — being willing to sit alongside someone, witness their experience, and honour their feelings without rushing them through it.
Grief is not something we “get over”. It’s a journey we move through, often in loops and spirals rather than straight lines. This week I was reminded of Worden’s tasks of grief — not steps to complete, but gentle guideposts that can help us understand what healing might involve.

• Acceptance — Some losses make no sense to us. Reaching a place where we are no longer in denial can take time, and that’s okay. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval; it simply means acknowledging what has happened.
  
• Feeling the pain — Allowing ourselves to feel grief, even in small, manageable moments, is important. When we push it down or distract ourselves endlessly, it doesn’t disappear — it simply waits for us.
  
• Adjustment — Loss often reshapes our routines, roles, and sense of identity. Finding a “new normal” can be slow and tender work.
  
• Attachment — Remembering the person or part of life we’ve lost in healthy, meaningful ways can help us stay connected while also leaning into the relationships and supports that remain.
  

These tasks aren’t linear, and there is no right pace. They simply offer a way to understand what might be happening inside us — and to be patient with ourselves and others as we navigate the landscape of grief. And sometimes those tasks can be better helped when talking them through with a professional counsellor - do get in touch if this is something you feel you would benefit from.