Understanding Trauma (1)

There seems to be a lot more talk about trauma these days but some myths still appear to  persist.

Myth 1: Trauma only happens when we have a near-death experience or are caught up in a catastrophic event, such as a war or natural disaster.

Yes, these can trigger trauma responses, but there are many other causes. Physical assault, sexual assault and accidents are high on the list of traumatic experiences, but so is emotional neglect or abuse.  What you may not have realised is that it can also be due to bullying or chronic stress.  Whether it's TRAUMA with a big T, or trauma with a little t, dismissing our own experiences by comparing to others who have much 'worse' experiences actually fails to recognise that the feelings associated with trauma are understandable and a normal response to something difficult. It also fails to recognise that many traumas with a little t can actually build up. It's like stacking blocks on top of each other until the tower is so high that it becomes unstable and topples over. So unless we process all the traumas, they build up to a point when we become unstable and feel like everything is falling apart. 

Myth 2: Give it time and you'll get over it.

Yes, time is an important ingredient for healing from trauma. But time alone does not help us process the trauma. Healing from trauma can be more effective when we are intentional about seeking help and support from others. Maybe seeing a counsellor can help us explore our feelings safely and find some new strategies. Maybe it's a loved one who provides a non-judgmental listening ear, someone who lets us know our feelings are valid, or someone who just sits with us as we quietly absorb what has happened to us. Sometimes it's the physical stuff that is needed to help process the trauma - going for a walk, stretching exercises - as the hormones that are released into our body at times of trauma can get stuck there and need releasing.   

Myth 3: They're carrying on with everyday life so they must be fine!

Sometimes when we have been through, or are going through, difficult experiences, our best defence is to maintain our mask of normality - maybe it gives us a sense that normal life is out there and we are part of it, even if there's hidden depths where unspeakable things are happening. Maybe if we spoke about it, it would make it more real and overwhelming. But whatever is on the outside can completely mask what is going on inside a person.  Sometimes it's feeling seen that helps, having our trauma acknowledged by someone. But sometimes it takes time to get to the point where we can open up to them, or even to face the difficult feelings associated with the trauma. 

Even if you were next to each other and had the same traumatic experience, no two people will ever be affected in quite the same way.  Some people want to talk, some people don't. We all protect ourselves from pain in different ways.  So if you are supporting someone who has been through trauma, be guided by them and their individual needs - there is no perfect script, no quick fix. Just being there for someone is more important than you will probably ever know.